If You’re Going to Farm, Sign a Prenup

And other agricultural advice for wedding season

It’s always seemed odd to me that we start marriages with a big, exciting party, where everyone congratulates you. I’ve seen so many friends strive for and obsess about their wedding, craving the personal and collective validation of their relationship, their choices, their success in life, the enticement of a best-day-of-your-life celebration helping them avoid thinking too critically about what comes after, about what marriage will actually mean for them, their partner, and their lives once the party is over. I’ve always thought the courtroom was a more fitting wedding setting for helping remind us what a marriage is most of the time — a deal, a contract, and a negotiation, forged with love, yes, but carrying with it many duties and obligations, some physical or emotional, others legal or financial.

To me there’s something beautiful about the idea of shedding the gaudy bouquets, the dated veils, and the things borrowed and blue, and replacing them an organized binder and a good humored Justice of the Peace. It feels more honest and intimate not to rattle off vague “richer and poorer” promises, but to present to a partner a deeply considered explanation of how you want to live, where the boundaries of that life are, and how you envision sharing in that together. Then of…